Guys and girls, it's been bloody forever since my last date, hence the no posting. I have had no inspiration (more like ammunition) to write about. If I had been in AA so much time has passed that I would have gone through the 12 steps and received my 1 year pin for it being 12 months since my last drink. Dating is much like AA, you want a stiff drink to get through it, your palms are sweaty, you have to reveal information about yourself you would rather keep buried and you enter it prepared for the judgement that will ensue. From that description you have gathered by now I'm well over the 'putting myself out there' and have been a recluse for the past 12 months. I actually have no idea what AA is like and apologise if I have offended anyone - it's the only analogy I could come up with. If you have your pin, I commend you for being brave.
Anyway, I'm done with it all. I have been around the board (missed the $200 by the way) and am now in jail. I'm not leaving my apartment. It's a futile experience and it requires putting on pants. I've deleted Tinder (again), Bumble (again), Plenty of Fish (again) and E-Harmony (again). The admin required is alone a valid excuse to delete all exposure to the swipe culture which we are now relying on to make deep shallow connections with the opposite sex. I am now holding out high hopes that my other half will be my UberEATS or Domino's driver, at least I know they have a car and a job.
I have become disillusioned by the whole process. No meaningful connection can be made via these channels. They are based on initial attraction only and I too am guilty of that judgement. Then why not throw in the diplomatic nightmare of when an acquaintance or friend pops up in your feed - what do you do? Swipe right for a pity 'like' or actually swipe left because you have no attraction to them? I swipe left because I have a death wish, then I wait for the inevitable message that follows 'why are you on Tinder' because now they know you have seen them too and they didn't get the 'It's a Match' notification but they'll try their luck anyway because hey you're single and they're single so let's all just settle. Wow did you pick up on the drawn out breath that took to get out? Can you actually hear the gasping for air?
I have had a couple of friends ask me when my next post would be and I am so very chuffed you enjoy reading my blog, so I apologise for not having the fortitude to go on another date where the same questions are asked. I promise I am not closing off all hope, just the internet dating and app related ones. I am holding out for a meeting that offers actual potential, a man who piques my interest - it'll be great blog material I promise! I've met about five potential husbands through work but I'd get fired for going out for a drink with any of them and I like my job. For now I will admire from afar and make up images of our wedding in my head (completely normal...). One is back this week so bring on Wednesday and hello Mr Tall Dark And Handsome Cattle Man aka Husband Number 2!
