Date Night with Bae!

It's Saturday night, the night for romance. The scene is set by An Elegant Affair playlist on Spotify amplifying sounds of sweet nothings, a bottle of the finest $8.99 Italian Merlot has been opened and the perfume of dinner cooking in the oven fills my apartment. The silhouette of something tall, dark and handsome appears in the mirror. I'm wearing black lace, dressed up for a change. It's Saturday night, the night for romance....

Ok, I have a confession.  The tall, dark and handsome silhouette is the bottle of wine.  I call it Lover, same same, right?  And the black lace is my nightie but the lace now has large holes in because I've worn it to death plus I've blow dried my hair, that's dressed up compared to usual.  To all you lovebirds, old and new, this is the reality of yet another Saturday night with yours truly!

However, all jokes aside for the first time in a really long time I'm ok with it.  I am not ashamed to admit that I have spent many a Saturday night feeling sorry for myself for not letting loose on the town, after all every coupled up person you run into when single tells you 'you have to put yourself out there, you're not going to meet anyone whilst sitting on your couch'.  Well I beg to differ, I meet plenty of Dominos and UberEATS drivers and they seem lovely.  Besides, how loose can you really get though when you have a 10pm work curfew? If Cinderella is G rated then I'm A rated, at least she had until midnight to get her freak on!

Instead of hitting the town I've had a bloody ripper of a night in.  I cooked a banger of a dinner (when the other half eventually makes an appearance he'll be well fed that's for sure), I've enjoyed a cheeky beverage (had to stop at one because it gave me a headache, these are the facts of life after 30, one can't indulge too much due to adverse affects on ones body) and I've been surfing the net for travel inspo for me and my besties BIG WOG ADVENTURE in 2.5 months and for other travel related options next year.

I have done all my washing, made banana bread, shaved my legs (ooo la la, I'm going to enjoy sleeping with myself tonight!) and tidied my apartment.  Ladies and gentlemen, this is what turns me on at 35, no wonder the men are lining up outside my door hey!

What's next? I hear you ask fervently. Thank you for asking, I appreciate your interest. Well I've exhausted all social media scanning for one night so no point wearing out the right thumb further, I may take in a movie from the comfort of my two seater couch. There's room for one more, but alas Sam Mac is busy preparing his speech for his Gold Logie win tomorrow night so I guess I'll be going it alone.  I'd even let him pick the movie because I'm nice like that.

So kids, enjoy your Saturday night what ever you may be up to and don't feel sorry for me, I'm completely happy with my own company I'm a hoot to be around, didn't you know? 

Arrivederci Swipe Apps!

Guys and girls, it's been bloody forever since my last date, hence the no posting. I have had no inspiration (more like ammunition) to write about. If I had been in AA so much time has passed that I would have gone through the 12 steps and received my 1 year pin for it being 12 months since my last drink.  Dating is much like AA, you want a stiff drink to get through it, your palms are sweaty, you have to reveal information about yourself you would rather keep buried and you enter it prepared for the judgement that will ensue.  From that description you have gathered by now I'm well over the 'putting myself out there' and have been a recluse for the past 12 months. I actually have no idea what AA is like and apologise if I have offended anyone - it's the only analogy I could come up with. If you have your pin, I commend you for being brave. 

Anyway, I'm done with it all.  I have been around the board (missed the $200 by the way) and am now in jail. I'm not leaving my apartment.  It's a futile experience and it requires putting on pants. I've deleted Tinder (again), Bumble (again), Plenty of Fish (again) and E-Harmony (again). The admin required is alone a valid excuse to delete all exposure to the swipe culture which we are now relying on to make deep shallow connections with the opposite sex.  I am now holding out high hopes that my other half will be my UberEATS or Domino's driver, at least I know they have a car and a job.

I have become disillusioned by the whole process.  No meaningful connection can be made via these channels. They are based on initial attraction only and I too am guilty of that judgement.  Then why not throw in the diplomatic nightmare of when an acquaintance or friend pops up in your feed - what do you do?  Swipe right for a pity 'like' or actually swipe left because you have no attraction to them? I swipe left because I have a death wish, then I wait for the inevitable message that follows 'why are you on Tinder' because now they know you have seen them too and they didn't get the 'It's a Match' notification but they'll try their luck anyway because hey you're single and they're single so let's all just settle.  Wow did you pick up on the drawn out breath that took to get out? Can you actually hear the gasping for air?

I have had a couple of friends ask me when my next post would be and I am so very chuffed you enjoy reading my blog, so I apologise for not having the fortitude to go on another date where the same questions are asked.  I promise I am not closing off all hope, just the internet dating and app related ones.  I am holding out for a meeting that offers actual potential, a man who piques my interest - it'll be great blog material I promise!  I've met about five potential husbands through work but I'd get fired for going out for a drink with any of them and I like my job.  For now I will admire from afar and make up images of our wedding in my head (completely normal...).  One is back this week so bring on Wednesday and hello Mr Tall Dark And Handsome Cattle Man aka Husband Number 2!